A few weeks ago I posted about the ups and downs of this bipolar depression that I’ve been in. On the depression scale I had moved from a severely depressed 34 to a moderately depressed 17. Although this was a huge deal, I was having trouble seeing the progress. Others around me definitely saw it, but I was really having a hard time still.
My doctor explained it like this. He said to imagine that my depression was like falling into a 300 foot deep hole. There I was at the bottom of this deep, dark pit and I couldn’t see any light from above. Through the help of the TMS, therapy and other people’s help, after only a few weeks I had made 50% progress. It was like I had climbed halfway out of that pit. Everyone standing above was cheering me on, saying that I had come so far; had made so much progress. But for me, no matter how much I tried to tell myself that I was 50% better, it was so difficult for me to see because I was still 150 feet down in that hole. I still had a ways to go before I would be able to see the light. I am so glad for family and friends who stood there at the top and kept cheering me on. Never giving up on me.
And now, two more weeks later I can now say that on the depression scale, I am in the single digits!!!
I am at a 9!!!
This is crazy! I have now completed 5 weeks of TMS and I went from a 34 to a freaking 9!!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but I can finally say that I can see the light at the top!
I am finally starting to feel better. I’ve been sleeping so much better at night with no sleep aids. I exercise 5-6 days a week and eat healthier. I am beginning to see that God might just have a use for me in this life after all. And the biggest improvement of all… I am actually beginning to enjoy being with my family again.
I still get easily overwhelmed and have a hard time stopping the negative thoughts and feelings from taking over, but with the continued support of my family, friends and therapist, I really believe that I am healing. I am a work in progress.
Just a few weeks ago, I was finding it impossible to have a reason to live another day. Every part of my body was severely depressed and ready to give up the fight. Now I am just a little bit excited about what the future holds and where God will take me on this journey because I don’t think He is through with me just yet.
Broken & Bipolar 